Murder

Tilt my head to the side. Caress
My unresisting body. Vacant
Eyes, Cringing skin.
Do what you want; You;ve won
Already, I don't fight. Numb
Mind, shallow breath. Stroke gently
Over bruised and battered skin.
Pull back my hair. Internal
Scream, building rage. Whisper softly
My name then issue threats.
Your breath, like fire
On my neck. Each time, killing
Another piece of me.

Storm Window - Conrad Hilberry

Pet Sitting

I
Volunteered
To watch the goldfish
Of John’s, But when I awoke
Golden fins were dulled bronze.
The poor little fish with upturned,
Swollen belly, had glazed vacant
Eyes, and was quick to be smelly.
Sparkling water that once splashed
And churned, had become eerily quiet,
And left me concerned. I had no choice
But to throw him in porcelain bowl,
And dash to the pet store, Flittering
Fish as my goal. I handpicked
A fish, finding a chubby,
Golden twin. The task
Was not easy Due
To a white speck
On the fin. New Fish
Was placed in glass
Basin to roam, Awaiting
His new owner, John, to come home.

"Ballad Beginning with a Line by Robert Bly" R. S. Gwynn

I found this in an old notebook...and this isnt as dirty as it sounds haha

I jump on the bed with everyone else. It's the most comfortable bed I've ever laid on, even with three girls and two guys compressing my body. My head spins as limbs collide and torsos crash like waves; And we indilge others still to join. Everyone's voices encourage the false orgy we conduct. I feel soeone at the foot of the bed, and hold my arms our, welcoming another player to the game.

P.S. I've decided to start writing poems/author for the titles (it's good for you to read poetry, Kevin, proooomise).

Henry Taylor's "Barbed Wire"

Great poem. Really sums up the past few days for me. I can't really explain why, though. So I've been hurt, yet again, by another friend. Let's just lay this out.
This week, my parents left for a week for their anniversary, and I become homesick extremely easily. I can't help it. I become depressed, get sick easily and act irritable and child-like. I don't know why, I just do. And it's horrible. Sooo I asked my friend to come stay with me. I never ask my friends to stay the night. but of course, no she can't. because she's working for 8 days and doing long shifts. This probably wouldn't bother me so much had she not found her 'soul mate' and neglected me since I had come back on the first. But that's unfair--I've been pulling away from her. Why? because she's too busy with her 'soul mate' to do anything with me. on top of that, when we talk, her sentences are flavored with "You don't understand!" constantly repeated (about subjects in which I do have empathy for her). Have I explained through examples how much saying 'you dont understand' to me pisses me off? why yes, I certainly have. So I called my parents in tears (yes, I know how pathetic that is, but fuck off) and explained the whole situation since..I don't want to start drama with the other people involved between us and my brother was out with his friend. so I have today and tomorrow to calm down and relax. except not because I have a shit ton of homework already. thank you, professors. you guys rock at controlling my free time!!

Porphyria's Lover

For almost a month now, I've found that someone has rediscovered something for me. my first thought was to torture the fuck out of him like he did me..but I'm not like that and can't honestly bring myself to do it. Is it so wrong to want to do it though? I know it is, but Im going to lie to myself and say it's healthy. ha. anyways..it's not my fault that he got trashed and emailed me his feelings. Of course it did depress me at first, knowing that six years of emotion was wasted and now that I know I feel nothing past friendship, he wants more. seriously? lame.
he "needs to move past me." Well, let me just say..he wasnt even that awesome of a boyfriend...and I was a good girlfriend to him. so I hope it all equals out. I know that's harsh, but karma.

I'm gonna tetris it

"It's okay." I dunno how many times I really say that in a day, but it's the one sentence I tend to say above all others. Anyday, everyday, for all sorts of reasons.
'I know this sucks, but can you cover for me..again?'
'I'm moving.'
'I'm only using you.'
'I talked shit about you, but I didn't mean it.'
'I know you wanted to do X but I want to do Y, so let's just do Y.'
'I really don't want anything to do with you anymore, no reason. just done.'
'I spilled bag milk all over the floor, will you clean it up for me so I can do other things to fuck up the store? Spill pretzel butter everywhere, perhaps?'
'I was never into you, I just led you on.'
'Oh, you aren't easy and willing to have sex with me when I snap my fingers? see ya!'
'Im going to borrow your favorite books and not worry about you missing them.'
etc. so on and so forth. It's getting re-fucking-diculous. But I always say, "no, no, it's okay." and usually with a big, fake smile so they know I mean it. *sigh*
I know..that it's my own fault. Trust me, I know. I just havnt had my kindness taken advantage of so frequently in such a short abount of time...ever. And by people I trust--I think that's the worst part of it..and the part that's bothering me so much.
People telling me that I should be more open and trusting..and then pulling the shit that they have been lately. Really!? Let me just raise a finger to those people (I think you can figure out which digit I'm refering to). I don't even have time for this. i have a book to finish and two finals to study for...and my eye keeps twitching.

Boo

Josh, you're doing it again where you fall off the face of the earth.. =/